EJ #14: Surrendering to the process
I feel so grateful for being able to write you this message today. May has been an intense month, an emotional roller-coaster that brought up deep false beliefs. And I learned to surrender, to take a step back to really understand what needs to change to grow.
It's the end of the month and only now I really understand the fruits I reap.
I am grateful for living this wonderful life. I am grateful for enrolling on this path. I am grateful for all the wonderful people in my story. And you are part of it, too.
May has been a month of intense energy, filled with surprises. I spent two weeks traveling across Portugal, from its beautiful Algarve beaches, to the beautiful streets of Porto. I discovered that I am living that ideal life scenario I had pictured for myself. I just need to become clearer on the details.
And just as nature exploded with all shades of green, so did pent-up emotions and false beliefs. Maybe it was my decision to actively work on limiting beliefs to make space for the next level, but May brought up a lot of emotions, and beliefs. Not surprisingly, a lot of stuff came up this month.
Old thought patterns got you so far, but to grow you need to embrace change.
I became aware of how a scarcity mindset was impacting my choices. It reflected in the smallest things, like the dish I order in a restaurant or purchasing a dress. One month ago I almost burst into tears over not permitting myself to order a 25 eur dish in a restaurant, while on holiday. This time however, I decided I am worth it. And without thinking twice I bypassed a belief I created after watching how my parents struggled with money, and how my mom always put herself after her kids, and her husband.
I became more aware of how I've been sabotaging my decisions and low-balling myself. I listened to what I tell myself when I am happy, when I am sad, when something doesn't go as planned. And I was shocked by how much self abuse I subject myself to, voluntarily, on a daily basis. In fact, I discovered a pattern I wasn't aware of before: making mistakes. It's something I thought I had checked, but as I learn more and more, it's never just one thing when it comes to mindset work.
I decided to slow down, to take a step back, to surrender to the process for a while. It's something new for myself - not wanting to always be in control and knowing everything that I need to get done. I have used my organization & productivity skills to get so much done in the past, and I am very grateful for the results, but now I am beginning to realize that this might be an area I need to re-evaluate.
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